An Explanation For My Absence – Why I’ve Been Missing…

March 1, 2018

AndThenZen Baby Nephew Why I'm Missing

I, for one, cannot believe it’s been nearly six weeks since my last post. Things have been pretty hectic around here for three months or so, and I have been struggling to juggle it all, and so, blogging has taken a back seat in life for a bit. I wanted to update you on everything that’s happened in the last three months and why I’ve been pretty hit and miss since then, why it’s all been a bit crazy around my ways, and why I want to get back into blogging, if not right now, then very soon, because I miss it and I miss you all..

I’m going to rewind, all the way back to the beginning of December. Having quit my retail job a couple months before that, I had all the time in the world to blog, and see my boyfriend, and have some time for me, which I felt I needed. After an interview and a short trial shift, I quickly found myself as a PR and Marketing Assistant Apprentice at a local company. It’s been a pretty big learning curve for me so far, as I’m sure many people will know that the corporate world is very different to the world of retail. I’m enjoying the role, but come the weekend, I am normally pretty worn out and I want to just relax and chill out, rather than tuck myself away behind my laptop for any more time! This is beginning to get better though, I am finding myself with a bit more energy at the weekend, and I hope this means I can start finding the motivation to blog again because I really miss it all.

My festive content was planned in advance, so rather than focus too heavily on writing new posts, I wanted to put myself fully into my new job, and decided to take a break from the blogging world for a bit. I also spent as much time as possible with my family and my boyfriend over the festive period, and it was nice to have some time away from everything! I wrote a few posts back at the beginning of January, and had a lot of fun with photography, and I thought I’d be back, but things took an unexpected turn for the worst..

Mid-January, I made a decision, and my relationship with my boyfriend came to an end. Making the decision myself didn’t make the breakup any easier, and admittedly, our relationship hadn’t been great for a few months, but we’d both tried, and we’d both failed. I’d had so many doubts in my mind, had cried so much and spent so long trying to decide between right and wrong, but I couldn’t continue to put myself through that, I decided I didn’t deserve it.

I quickly realised how reliant I had become on him, and, as a person, I barely recognised myself. I struggled, and I’m still coming to terms with having to cope with things by myself, and not having him as almost my entire support network. It’s difficult, to say the least..

I made the most of my newly-found free time, spending most weekends with my sister, who was eight or so months pregnant. I had been super excited throughout, and I planned to be with her during labour, booking the date of her induction off. However, my nephew had other ideas, and decided to make an early appearance, coming into the world in the early afternoon of the 12th of February. I was fortunate enough to be by her side throughout as much as was physically possible, hence why I look so bloody atrocious in the picture for this post, but we welcomed the gorgeous, healthy Lowen Andi to the family..

As cliche as it sounds, there have definitely been some highs and some lows over the past few months, and I’ve still struggled with my anxiety throughout. I had the worst panic attack that I can ever remember, over something so stupid, on Wednesday. The plasterer had been in our flat, and my room was a bit of a mess as a result, and that was it – that was enough to set me off. After half of hour, which felt like days, of struggling to calm myself down and getting myself into such a state that I ended up being sick, I ended up calling my ex-boyfriend, who is the only person to have ever dealt with me in such a state before. He calmed me down, and an hour and a half after it had first started, I finally stopped crying and managed to get my breathing back under control. I am so thankful that he took time out of his evening to help me, because I genuinely don’t know what I would have done if that hadn’t of happened. Horrible, awful experience, would not recommend..

I want to quickly add in a thank you to Abbey and Alice, who even throughout my disappearing act, have tweeted me or messaged me to ask if I was okay and although I didn’t speak too much at the time about what was going on, I am so, ridiculously thankful for their messages and I love them both for it!

So, yeah – I am here, I am still reading blogs and tweets, even if I’m not replying or being as active as I normally am, I am missing you all. I will be back, I can absolutely promise that, I’m just finding my feet at the moment..

Update me, what’s been happening with you recently? Have I missed anything incredible or awful, I want to know?!