Five Guys You’re Bound To Find On Tinder..

April 13, 2018

No matter how hard I try, whenever I find myself single, I always gravitate back to Tinder. I don’t know what’s worse about the app – the awful use of gifs, the appalling chat up lines, or the sheer desperation of some people to gain followers on social media by saying “they rarely go on here” – I wish I could, but I just cannot help myself! Swiping through guy after guy is interesting to say the least, but there are certain ‘people’ you are just bound to meet..

Exploring the dating world is interesting, but I don’t envy those that have never wound up on a dating app, and I’ve wound up on them all – Tinder, Bumble, POF, Tally. You name it, I’ve downloaded it and probably pretty soon after, deleted it. Tinder has generally been a positive place for me in the past. I’ve had relationships as a result of the app since I was 16 – I considered myself too mature to meet guys my own age the normal way, so I snuck onto the app, was quickly discovered by family friends and given the nickname ‘Tinderella’. In the last four or five years, I’ve downloaded and deleted the app more times than I care to actually remember, but having recently become single once again, I redownloaded it and, unsurprisingly, the app and the people you found on there haven’t changed one bit..

The Old School Friend

Whether it’s someone you actually spoke to at school, or someone you simply knew of, curiosity will force you to swipe right, just to see whether they do the same for you. Normally, they’ve gone one of two ways – they either used to be really cute, and time has taken its toll, or they’ve had an incredible glow up, and you now can’t resist. You’re completely unsure whether you actually fancy them in any way, but before you know it, you’re ten messages deep, all initiated by “I haven’t spoken to you in ages!”

‘Where’s Wally?’

A group picture, followed by another, and another – and suddenly, you’re forced to become Hercule Piorot. Blonde guy is definitely visible in picture one and two, but you’re not sure about the third. Brunette guy, you can make out in the second and third picture, but is he in the first? You’ve checked his bio, but it doesn’t say. You’re not sure whether to risk swiping right, just in case he’s someone entirely different, but what if you miss out as a result? And if you do match, you’ll have to ask which one he is which is cringey in itself, but if you mention liking the look of one of his friends, you might drop yourself in it. ABORT MISSION. Just play it safe – avoid at all costs and swipe left.

Mr ‘Knows No Boundaries’

We’ve all matched ‘that’ guy who hop, skipped, and jumped his way past getting to know you, and tried to delve straight into your bed. “You are delicious, I’d definitely taste you” – a quote from one of my matches, nonetheless – before he even introduced himself. Or worse, when they message you on another social media channel, regardless of whether you’ve spoken or even matched. If I want you to follow me on Instagram, Twitter and add me on Facebook, all in the space of five minutes, I will tell you to do so, but if I haven’t – sorry, not sorry – I am definitely going to think it’s at least a little bit weird.

‘How you doin’?’

I love Friends just as much as the next gal. Joey is a cutie who has brought a lot of joy to my life, but the memories I have of him are now tainted, all because of the same gif. I get sent it at least twice a day, every day, without fail. I now see it in my nightmares, I just cannot escape it. I’ve reached a point where I’ve simply stopped responding to anyone that sends me it, because I just cannot deal. I physically want to cry whenever I see that a guy has sent a gif as their first message, because I’m fairly certain it won’t be anything original or funny. I just want something funny and new and different – is that too much to ask for in life?!

The Serial Swiper

He swipes right to every girl, and you’re fairly confident you know that for a fact. He initiates the conversation – “Hi, how’re you? Good thanks, what you at? No, me neither! Fancy meeting up some time? We can go for a drive for a bit!” – which loosely translates to, “I’m going to make a move on you in my car, probably somewhere far away from where you live and then I’ll either block you or I’ll message you every Saturday at 3AM asking if I can come over”. He’s on Tinder for one thing, and one thing only – and it isn’t to find the love of his life, but we all know that! Generally, the conversation fizzles out quickly, and he moves on to the next girl he’s matched. Oh, and if you give him your number, he’ll definitely save you as ‘Booty Call’.

As I said, I’ve had really positive experiences with Tinder, and I know a huge number of people that have met and are in a long-term relationship all through the app – but it definitely does make you question at times what goes through a person’s mind. It’s a love-hate relationship that we have, but if Tinder and I were to ever break up, it would definitely be on positive terms..

Do you have any experiences with Tinder? How did you and your significant other meet?