Father’s Day, Sunday 18th of June…

my mother and me

An ode to my absentee father,

I feel like, I should be angry. I should be upset that you’ve always made it absolutely, perfectly clear that you wanted nothing to do with me, and probably never will. I should be jealous of people who are fortunate enough to have their fathers in their lives, having never had you around…

And while I probably should be, I’m really not…

Mum would never speak badly of you to me, and she would always let me form my own opinions, something that may surprise you, as so many mothers do not. I don’t recall ever having a ‘proper’ conversation about you with her, but she would always answer my questions, regardless of what they were about. I knew exactly who you were, where you were, and why you weren’t around…

She would always tell me that you’re “the one missing out”, and for years, I thought it was her way of making me feel better about it all. Until I came to realise, she was one hundred percent right. You missed out on every, single aspect of my life, from my first steps, to my first day at school, and now, to my last. These events probably seem insignificant to you, but some fathers would pay to spend these days with their children, and some children, whose fathers have no choice in their presence, would pay to have them around…

It seems silly now, but I wrote to you once, when I was younger, asking if you’d like to see me or speak to me on the phone, at least. Unsurprisingly, I never received a response, of any sort. Never get your hopes up and you won’t get hurt, I learnt.

I’m not hurt, entirely the opposite in fact. I’m hardworking and genuine and motivated, and a million other things that would make you proud, had you have had any influence on that…

I truly believe that you should be thankful. Thankful for the support and love that my mum consistently provided for me, being the father you never were, ensuring I never went without. Thankful for my brother and sister, who ensured that I was cared for and looked after. Thankful that, even without you, I’ve turned out pretty alright…

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